This Won't End Well
by krizzygirl206
Summary: A diary I kept while playing D&D with my friends. I wrote it in the POV of my character, a half-elf bard named Cristiella Amakiir. The group hasn't gotten back together, so it's unfinished  I'm trying to get it going again.
1. Uuugh Minotaurs

**Dear diary,**

Today an attractive, also somewhat still eight year old mentally, human cleric named Harold came up to me and asked me to help him find some magical apples to help his people. He also asked me to marry him and meet his parents once all of this was done. I wasn't sure how to reply, so I just smiled and nodded. That always works…

Anything to get away from the minotaur at the bar who was hitting on me. He wasn't pretty and smelled kind of funky. But he kept buying me drinks, which I thought was nice of him.

A big, smelly half-orc ranger named Krane or Krank or something joined us too, and so did an elf sorceress with giant hair and a pet ferret. Her name is Helena and the ferret's name is Sirk. We all decided to try and get more information before leaving, so I walked up to this guy people call "One-Eyed Lary." I found out that was because he had one eye! I couldn't stop giggling and laughing, so I had to leave to avoid his wrath. But he told me not to stop to sleep on the way there - where are we going again? - and something else, I think.

Anywho! Krane got beat up and then seduced in his tied up-ness by a bar wench (who was not prettier than me) and we decided to let him get some, because it was probably the only time he ever would. He's not as pretty as me, so.. You know. Yeah.

The mayor said some stuff to me, then told me to meet him up in his room in a few minutes. I said okay. Then I teamed up with Helena and we dressed Harold in some girl clothes and a wig and sent him in in my place. He makes a very pretty girl. Just not prettier than me. No one is. Anywhere.

I don't remember what happened after that, but we ended up leaving. After a while, we stopped to rest for the night and I remembered what One-Eyed Lary had said to me. I started giggling a bit but told the group that we couldn't stop and that the funny guy back at the tavern said not to. Krane didn't want to hear me (my voice must be too beautiful for his ugly ears) and then some weirdo stick monsters attacked us. I told them so, but they wouldn't listen. So I helped out, because if I didn't have them to stand behind, I might get a mark on my face and not be as pretty as I should be.

We got rid of the ugly stick people and decided not to rest anymore till we reached the Citadel or something. I can't remember that either and I don't feel like asking.

_Love, Cristiella!_


	2. I Don't Like Rats

**Dear diary,**

We made our way to some ruins and pillars and stuff with ugly writing on it, and it turned out that none of us could read it. (I think they said it was goblin, after putting all our languages together, but I was too busy borrowing Harold's ink pen and writing some naughty jokes on the pillars in Leprechaun.)

So we used some rope and Krane bullied Harold into going down first, then me, then Helena and then him. He made it clear he hated elves, but I think he likes me (ew!) so he's okay with me. I mean, when you're as pretty as me, everyone loves you and doesn't care what race you are.

Well, Harold went down the rope and then fell when he ran out of rope and was attacked by some giant-ass rats. I swung around on the rope for fun a bit before jumping down to help him. Helena was next, but then Krane jumped down first and kicked her in the face. They both fell down then, and we killed those ugly little (giant) beasts pretty fast.

Note to self: I don't like rats.

_Love, Cristiella!_


	3. Dibs on the Bag!

**Dear diary,**

Today we killed more rats, which just got uglier as we went along. There were also a lot of dead goblin bodies (so not fabulous!) It must have been a new day, because my hair changed color and now it was a pretty light pink color. My hair always changes color with the new day. It's a long story.

Oh! And some REALLY ugly skeleton warriors attacked us and they were really, really, really hard to kill. I guess because they were made out of bone or something. But after what seemed like forever (and a couple of tears in my pretty clothes, we were done. Turns out they have a lot of cool stuff, and we're still going through it all (I SO HAVE DIBS ON A BAG OF HOLDING!) And I'm ready and willing to fight that nasty half-orc thing to get what I want!

_Love, Cristiella!_


End file.
